Sunday, November 14, 2010
Going back to the past of unhealthy former relationships... it's a tedious task. The divorce, the separation, the breaking up is in and of itself difficult to relive. But once we have come back into balance, found ourselves again, a haunting question sometimes lingers.. more sensitive than any rembrance of pain that may have been inflicted upon us. That question is.. why did I fall in love with you? What was it in me that needed you? Why did I allow myself to be treated this way? Why did I participate in this abusive concoction? Why did I permit my spirit to be stifled? Why did I feel so unworthy of something greater? What took me so long to walk?
There are no easy answers. It's a muddle of childhood experiences, personality traits, being in the wrong place at the wrong time, knowing some things but not others, and unlucky chemistry. This isn't about faults or inadequacies and, God forbid, stupidity. It's about learning to not see yourself as a victim in order to be a survivor. And, unfortunately, there's more to that than substituting words.
Thank you to Frostfire, from our Friends in Healing community, for sharing this video in which he plays the backup cello. This song was written and performed by Jim Salinger from Los Angeles, CA. The painting is my original artwork. And thank you to a special friend, who shared their story to me this week.