Wednesday, September 9, 2009

The Abyss

Work Around Your Abyss
There is a deep hole in your being, like an abyss. You will never succeed in filling that whole, because your needs are inexhaustible. You have to work around it so gradually the abyss closes.
Since the hole is so enormous and your anguish so deep, you will always be tempted to flee from it. There are two extremes to avoid: being being completely absorbed in your painand being so distracted by so many things that you stay far away from the wound you want to heal.

Henri Nouwen, The Inner Voice of Love

I have been silent for months. First my energy went, then my self-filtration, my desire for the future, my wit, my laughter, and then finally my hope in the goodness of people. Some painful events take time to reveal themselves and then even longer to heal.

When I was young, I was completely absorbed in the pains I felt, "hiding" in the closet and bellowing for someone to come and listen to me. I quickly learned that people have their own pains.. and most would rather not touch yours. So I have become an expert in distraction.

A few days ago, a friend said to imagine a light going to my deepest pain. Immediately, I can call it to me. (Distraction obviously doesn't make it go away.) It starts in my throat and ends in a pit in my chest. And when I am really moved by it, I feel a tingling sensation in my fingers. I've been thinking about it for days, although still distracting myself from bringing a light to it. I can only describe it as giving away my deepest being to those who abused it, did not want it, and threw it away ... at least for now.


  1. very moving... i think the key lies in finding the balance. between acknowledging and ignoring. for me, i've found, that whatever keeps coming back to me again and again, is that which i MUST deal with, otherwise i may get stuck forever...

  2. Cory it has been a while since you posted. As a therapist I hear your cry. I hope you are talking to someone professionally about this pain. The painting is beautifully done, it does suck me in to the vortex/center.
    I hope your art making brings you peace.
    Wishing you well.
    Lynn (my word was cridr...cry doctor???? hint/suggestion

  3. Your painting is a great expression of your feelings. Hope you keep fighting and don't get sucked away.

  4. Poignant post. Long time, no see. Glad you came over to my place yesterday. And your art? Quite Georgia O'Keefe-y...

  5. glad that you are back, Cori!

    hope you realize
    from the comments since May
    how much you were missed, thought of!

    peace~ Chuck

  6. Thank you so much for the kind words everyone. Feels good to be back with a brush in my hand... if not a little scary!

  7. What an emotional post!
    Glad to see you bad. Sorry to read you have been in such pain, but talking about it means you have made the first steps to heal.
    I missed your beautiful inspiring paintings!

    Take care!

  8. You are here and back! Lovely painting!
    Imagine the abyss to be filled with only light and goodness~ that is what I wish for you, Cori!

    Your beautiful art will help you to do that, even on your darkest days and during your darkest moments. Light always wins over dark. Yes, in truth, we carry the dark with us, but after awhile it loses its strength and the Light wins out~ with good reason!

    take very good care~and when you feel up to it, we'll visit~

  9. Hi, Sweet Cori. Thanks for sharing your heart and art--both beautiful. I understand your words, and thanks for defining your pain. Good wishes always, Dear Friend. You are loved.

  10. I love the swirls of color here. It really draws me in.

  11. Cori Lynn- Glad you are back to painting! Two thoughts that have helped me to live in the present: "Own your past" and "Anyone can be deceived" Claiming your past helps to diffuse the situation that crops up within yourself... you know, that voice that likes to yammer at you. Hang in there!


Your thoughts are a blessing to me!

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